The recent article about Joseph Smith confirms
that he had about 30 to 40 wives, and some of them were already married. The
age of his harem ranges from as young as 14 to as old as 56. I guess any
younger would be quite awkward and any older would be rather backward.
I also discovered that you can’t really blame
Joseph Smith for the polygamous union. It appears that he was under divine
duress. Apparently, the angel made him
an offer that he couldn't possibly
refuse.
The article mentioned that “an angel appeared
to (Smith) three times between 1834 and 1842 and commanded him to proceed with
plural marriage when he hesitated to move forward.” It was at the third
try by the disgruntled angel, most likely in desperation, that Smith finally
succumbed. But this was not before the angel threatened to kill him if he still
defied the divine edict. The report puts it this way,
“On the angel's last
visit, the church said, "the angel came with a drawn sword, threatening
Joseph with destruction unless he went forward and obeyed the commandment
fully.”” Well I guess a life of guilty pleasures is far better than the prospect
of being wipe off from the face of this earth.
So, my sympathies are with the founder of
Mormonism. He sacrificed monogamy for the monotony of extramarital autonomy. He
must have had an
agonizing time struggling with the decision to take in more wives
when he was already married to his first namely Emma in January 1827. I
can imagine Emma’s shock when Joseph told him that he had to do what an angel wanted him to do unless she wanted a dead husband. She must also have thought
about all the in-laws that she had to deal with.
Further, what was she going to do with all the
children of his many wives. Coming up with
their names was the least of her
problems. Admittedly, there was just too much managing and organizing to do and
the magnitude of the sibling rivalries would be astronomical. In fact, it was
recorded that Emma “was very bitter and full of resentment and anger” over her
husband’s marriages to other women.
I guess the only gossamer of a consolation for
Emma was that her husband did not have sex with all his wives. Thankfully, he
exercised some sexual restraint
because some of his wives were “sealed” to him
only for the next life. Whatever that meant, Joseph claimed to have never
deflowered them as he wanted to keep them after his demise. They are like spares
for the afterlife.
Of course, Emma must have been the most
confused and unsettled first wife of the elected prophet. You see, even if her
beloved had practised selective and limited consummation, Emma’s marital
torture would indefinitely ensue from this life to the next. Imagine
the demise of all the relevant spousal parties and then discovering to her continued
despondency that her god-fearing hubby can now start deflowering those whom he had
once kept undefiled on earth. I guess the consolation is more a matter of
postponement than one of enduring comfort.
Indeed the god of Mormonism works in the most
mysterious ways. If the situation had been reversed, I wonder what would poor
Joseph do. That is, what if
the angel had appeared to Emma and told her in no
uncertain terms that she was to take in more than one husband? Would she have
folded? Would she have readily agreed to it? You must understand that it was
the same angel who appeared to Joseph and you can expect the same irresistible
offer: "Commit polyandry Emma or I’ll kill you!" What would poor Emma
do then? Will Joseph agree to it? Imagine Emma having 20 to 40 unwitting
hubbies and all Joseph could do was to suck it all in and resign to
the fate of being a perpetually pissed-off cuckold.
Alas, Joseph’s god had preempted that. In a
somewhat twist of sexist's fortune, the reverse scenario for Emma would never
come to pass; not if the prophet's divine benefactor has his way. At Revelation’s fifty-fourth verse, Joseph's seemingly misogynistic
god warns with these words, “And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide
and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to
none else. But if she will not abide
this commandments she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy
God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law.” So, I guess that
self-serving scripture just shut Emma's door tight to a world of plural
marriages. And you can't say that the Mormon god was not specific enough...her
name was literally spelt out in the self-styled book of revelation!
At this juncture, you really have to
understand the heartrending
dilemma inherent in this so-called cosmic gambit
between Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the mafia-like angel. It really makes the whole
thing sounds like a horrible joke. Of course, Joseph might have appeared
hesitant at first and needed to be phallus-wrestled into multiple conjugal
partnerships. But somewhere in his eagerness to obey the commandment to plural
marriages, he went on a sexual overdrive. He even took his members’ wives,
which must have at least provoked a little
squirm in the angel’s face. It is
also reported that Emma did not know exactly how many wives her husband had
taken in. It is further rumored that the descendants of Joseph Smith numbered
about 2000. Wow, talk about bursting at the promiscuous loins!
I guess Joseph’s god must have been pleased
with his voracious appetite to obey the commandment and the three occasions of
angelic persuasion were definitely worth every effort
expended and mortal
threat issued. He would even be more pleased with this declaration made by the
president, prophet and seer of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
on 4 January 1880: “We believe in honesty, morality, and purity; but when they
enact tyrannical laws, forbidding us the free exercise of our religion, we
cannot submit. God is greater than the United States, and when the Government
conflicts with heaven, we will be ranged under the banner of heaven and against
the
Government…Polygamy is a divine institution. It has been handed down direct
from God. The United States cannot abolish it. No nation on earth can prevent
it, nor all the nations of the earth combined…I defy the United States; I will
obey God.”
I guess if polygamy was a divine institution
for the Mormons, then it would naturally be a male-dominated one with the women
playing their role as the eternally understanding, patient and tolerant spouse
amongst the
many others, each dutifully satisfying the godly sexual appetites
of her husband.
On a personal note, I can only stand in awe
concerning the strength of the delusion and the thoroughness of the deception
of this truly phenomenal movement, which claims to have close to 15 million
members worldwide. And I shall take my cue from the master Bard of Avon and the
greatest wordsmith of all times as I close.
“But then I sigh and, with
a piece of scripture,
Tell them that God bids us do
good for evil;
And thus I clothe my naked
villainy
With odd old ends stol’n
forth of Holy Writ,
And seem a saint when most I
play the devil.”
Cheerz.
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